Sha God

  Hi friends! This week I will continue to share my story...my journey through mental health challenges.  Today I will be very vulnerable. I’ll be sharing things that I tend to hold close to my chest because of the stigma they hold.     Some people may look at me differently, but I can honestly say that doesn’t matter to me. I’m tired of hiding. I want to step out, be bold, and hopefully help others to do the same.  When I left off last week, my family and I had just moved back to Missouri after a really hard and lonely season in our lives. Like I mentioned, I was back on medication and things were good for awhile. We were happy to be back home, bought a house, got new jobs and Brandon started back to school at SBU.  By the first part of 2006, I was feeling great!    I was happy...overly happy I had a ton of energy, a mind full of spectacular ideas and no sense of the fact that I was slowly getting out of control. I will give one small exampl...

Hello and welcome (back) to Sha God.  Today’s post is the first of several on mental health and my journey through it all. I’ll be talking about some heavy and extremely personal things over the next few weeks. This is very timely, yet exceptionally difficult as I am in the midst of a season of depression and anxiety as I write these words.  For many years, I’ve felt compelled to write about my experience with mental health...BUT...fear, pride, insecurity. So why now?    I have no other reason except that I want to offer my life experience to point to Christ and help people along the way...even if it’s only one person. So here it goes: As a child, I was very extreme emotionally. I was either exceedingly happy or intensely sad, and it could change at the drop of a hat. The only thing that topped my moods was my severe anxiety. I was terrified of storms, specifically tornadoes, and would go into an emotional tailspin when a thunderstorm was predicted. My obsessive tend...

Hi friends, First of all, I want to convey a few things today: God redeems ALL things.  My hope is that my story points you to the GOSPEL of Christ and NOT to what happened to me.  If you have a similar story, you are not alone.  For me, today is a scary and, I’ll be honest, anxiety inducing journey, but I also believe it’s a journey to freedom. Freedom from fear, shame, and self doubt. Freedom towards believing who God is and who I am in Him.  I know what it’s like to be broken, to feel “used up” and thrown away, to have nightmares, every night, for 10 years, to be careful of situations that might make you “remember” and cause a panic attack. I know these things deep to my core because I was sexually assaulted...twice.  In 1992 and in 1996 I was sexually assaulted. Both times, it was by people I knew well. Both times, I wondered if it was my fault...if I’d caused it.    Both times, I kept my mouth shut.  I was 12. I wa...

Hello friends, Today I will finish up with a three-part series by talking about peace in the midst of chaos.  I don’t know how better to describe life in the US (and in the world) right now than to use the word “chaos.”    Headlines scream of hundreds of thousands of people being infected with the virus, not enough testing kits being available, death tolls rising by the hour, and people fighting for...you guessed it...toilet paper.    These are only a few examples of the living nightmare that is playing out before our very eyes. BUT those things might still seem “far away” to    some of you. What happens when the chaos hits closer to home?. For me, my personal chaos started 15 days ago. That was day 1 of our quarantine and the day I thought I was catching a cold. Now, on day 15, 3 of the 4 of us have had COVID-like symptoms and we, basically, haven’t left the house since March 12th. I am 10 days into waiting for my test results and was tol...

Hi Friends, I have decided to continue on the same track as last week and make this a series. Last week, we talked about our hope. This week I will discuss joy during trials.   As I write this we are on day 9 of a mandatory quarantine.    When will it end?    That depends on my COVID-19 test results that I should get back on Monday. I am sick. I’ve been sick for over a week...fever, slight cough, chest pressure and, sometimes, shortness of breath. I saw a doctor on Tuesday and since I was not in distress and I tested negative for pneumonia (along with both flu strains and strep) they sent me home to “hunker down” and recoup (unless things get worse.) You might be wondering what in the world    this has to do with joy or maybe, how I could find any joy during this time?    Well, first of all happiness and joy are two totally different things. Thankfully I am finding small glimmers of happiness during this surreal time in our ...

Happy Sunday, friends! In light of the situation in our nation and communities, with the spread of COVID-19, I have decided to hold off on the post I’ve been working on all week. It was heavy...very heavy and I feel like we have enough “heaviness” going around right now.  I have been keeping up with the Coronavirus since early January because I teach ESL in China 5 days a week.    It felt so far away at that time. Even last Saturday, when they announced the first case in Missouri, it didn’t seem like it would affect us here. At this time, we personally know someone being tested for the virus.  In this seemingly crazy time, I could easily become anxious or fearful. My parents and in-laws are both over 60 and my son has had heart and respiratory complications, in the past. The one thing I know is that God is in control of all situations. He is sovereign now, with the Coronavirus, and was in control when the Black Plague overcame Wittenberg, Germany in 1527...