A Handful of Pills



This has been my life for over a decade. In fact, this week marks 14 years since I was diagnosed with Bipolar II. 

The years have not always been easy. I have not always been OK.  The doctors, though they tried, did not get my combination of medicines right the first, second, or even third try. The tears have been endless at times and then, sometimes, I could not cry at all. Finally, the doctors settled on four medications and they seemed to be the perfect remedy for many years. I was good. I was stable. I felt “normal” feelings at appropriate times. 


Then, a month ago, I ended up in the ER with dangerously high blood pressure. Through some standard blood tests, the doctors found that one of my medications was at toxic levels. After a few weeks of trying to level out the medication, my bloodwork was still showing the same thing...toxic. This is when my doctor decided it was time to take me off this medication. I was terrified!  Would I spiral into a deep, dark depression?  


During the first few days of weaning off the medication, I was an anxious mess...wondering...waiting for it all to go down. Then I came to the conclusion that I’m going to take each day God gives me and live in THAT day...THAT moment and praise him for the good in it. 


At the same time, I started making sure I was taking care of myself. I’m taking 3 supplements that are essential for brain and gut health. I am getting plenty of sleep and trying to keep a consistent schedule. I’m eating well and drinking lots of water. I’m also trying to make exercise a habit (this is an uphill struggle that I’m really trying to overcome. Exercise and I are NOT friendly. 😂)


So here I am today. See the small piece of a pill in the front?  A few weeks ago I was taking 1200 mgs a day of that medication. Today, this is the last 50 mgs that I have left to take...ever.   Friends, the fact that I am doing so well emotionally is a miracle in itself.  Praise God for His kindness to me. At this point, with the support of my doctor, I do not plan to add another medicine to my daily regime. 


Let me just say, this post isn’t about how you should come off your medication. (I am STILL on 3 medications and will remain on them). Instead, it’s about knowing your body, advocating for yourself, and working closely with your doctor.  Please don’t give up on yourself and/or your mental health. You can be well. Fight...fight hard for your mental well being!


—Kassy



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