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Hi friends,

First of all, I want to convey a few things today:
  1. God redeems ALL things. 
  2. My hope is that my story points you to the GOSPEL of Christ and NOT to what happened to me. 
  3. If you have a similar story, you are not alone. 

For me, today is a scary and, I’ll be honest, anxiety inducing journey, but I also believe it’s a journey to freedom. Freedom from fear, shame, and self doubt. Freedom towards believing who God is and who I am in Him. 

I know what it’s like to be broken, to feel “used up” and thrown away, to have nightmares, every night, for 10 years, to be careful of situations that might make you “remember” and cause a panic attack. I know these things deep to my core because I was sexually assaulted...twice. 

In 1992 and in 1996 I was sexually assaulted. Both times, it was by people I knew well. Both times, I wondered if it was my fault...if I’d caused it.  Both times, I kept my mouth shut. 

I was 12.
I was 16.

The intricate details of my assaults are not what I want to focus on today. Telling those things, doesn’t “fix” anything or make me feel vindicated. What I want you to know and see is how I have healed from and risen above these situations, only by the grace of God. 

For many years, the hurt and the pain were so profound that I felt like I was in a deep pit. The walls were so high and slippery that I couldn’t see the light or climb out on my own. Some days the pain presented itself in tears...uncontrollable tears that I could not explain to anyone because no one knew. Other days, the pain manifested as anger...hatefulness to the ones I loved the most. On the worst days, I wanted to die...to feel the relief of not waking up from the nightmares only to realize it was all very real. 

...BUT GOD...

In 2006, I started seeing a licensed counselor. Even though I thought I was there for my depression, she was so good at getting to the heart of things. It wasn’t long before I told her my secrets. The ones I had kept locked up for so many years. And she was the one that told me “It wasn’t your fault.”  She also pointed me directly to Jesus!

Around that time, I started memorizing scripture. One passage that really hit me directly in the heart was Psalm 40:2-3. It says:

“He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
    out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
    making my steps secure.

He put a new song in my mouth,
    a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
    and put their trust in the Lord.”

Could it be true?  Could I have a happy future in-spite of my appalling past?  Could God really pull me out of the dark pit?  Would people really see the way God had been so gracious to me through it all?  Could everything in my life be used for good?  

It would be many years before I truly knew the purpose of my pain...27 years to be exact. But I see now how God was working in my life all along. As Genesis 50:20a says:  “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.”  

This is just a snapshot of my experience. There is so much more too it that I’m sure I will share as time goes on. As I close, I want you to know this:  We can’t control how the sin of others effects us. We can, however, look to the one who promises that He is good, gracious, loving, and just. Press into Him, my friend. He loves you, He redeems all things, and He makes all things new!




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